Newsletter: Welcome to Sizzling August
It's time for Pirate Month, Dog Day, Beer Day, and -- now just proclaimed -- International Have a Beer With Your Dog Day.
The Dog Days of Summer officially started in early July and extend through August 11, which, coincidentally, is also the last day of the sweltering Paris Olympics.
In addition to being brutally hot, August is also distinguished by being the only month in which there are no major holidays, hence no three-day weekends or wild celebrations.
That said, the summer school break ends this month in most of the country, and kids will be returning to their classrooms. Which makes August the unofficial:
Parents’ Relief Month.
Arr-gust is International Pirate Month
The entire month is dedicated to celebrating pirates, real and otherwise. To be clear, an imaginary pirate would be Captain Jack Sparrow. A real pirate would be Mona (above). Why is she real? You’ll find the answer in:
Another real and famous pirate you should know about is Jean Lafitte. He was a French pirate and privateer who was instrumental in helping defend New Orleans from the British during the War of 1812. Rumor has it, he also rescued Napoleon Bonaparte from exile.
Like Mona, not all pirates were men. Ching Shih, known at the height of her career as the "Pirate Queen," controlled a fleet of 1,200 ships and 70,000 pirates. She may have actually sailed from China to the Caribbean if reports in the book Strange Currents are to be believed.
Olympics Continue
As we roll into the eighth month of 2024, the summer Olympics, as mentioned, continue. I included a schedule of events in last month’s newsletter, but here it is again just in case you are catching up:
Strange Bedfellows
Politics will be at the top of the news between now and Election Day, Nov. 5. The big scheduled event for this month is the Democratic National Convention to be held in Chicago August 19-22.
But the past few weeks have been so tumultuous, who knows what other surprises await? President Joe Biden shuffled onto the debate stage for his big date with Donald Trump looking like he was ready for hospice care. Soon thereafter, he shuffled off the political stage as rebellious Democrats finally convinced him to throw in the towel.
Vice President Kamala Harris is replacing Biden at the top of the ticket having raised over $200 million in the week after Biden’s endorsement. Politicos and cultural celebrities are falling all over themselves to get on the Harris bandwagon. In just a few days, she completely erased Trump’s edge in most polls.
Harris’s next big decision is the selection of her running mate before the convention begins. This is a dynamic situation and could change quickly, but here’s a YouTube video examining at her potential VP picks:
Meanwhile, Trump nearly had his ear shot off by a rooftop sniper hiding in plain sight, and his running mate pick, Ohio Sen. JD Vance (above), has proven so toxic that some Republicans are clamoring for Trump to dump the self-avowed hillbilly, not the least of which for his misogynous comments about “miserable childless cat ladies” running America. Will Trump fire his Apprentice? We’ll have to wait and see.
But speaking of childless cat ladies, rumors quickly spread that the world’s most celebrated childless cat lady, Taylor Swift, was teaming up with Beyonce for a blockbuster fundraiser in support of Harris. Then that buzz-kill website Snopes reported that it was too good to be true. So far. Stay tuned.
Perseid Meteor Shower
It’s my favorite meteor shower of the year. Mark your calendar for the night of August 12 to catch it at its peak. Hope for clear skies. The optimum time to watch is after midnight when the Moon sets and the sky will be at its darkest. It really is worth staying up for.
August Daily Calendar:
August 1 — While there are no mainstream religious holidays this month, the Strange Files Newsletter recognizes all mythologies, so we note that Lughnasa is celebrated in some parts of the world and in the Pagan and Wiccan communities on August 1. It marks the halfway point between the summer solstice and the fall equinox.
August 2 — International Beer Day (also National Water Balloon Day).
August 3 — It’s National Big Forehead Day, a tip of the hat to people with prominent brows and large foreheads. Notable celebs who fit this category, according to the never-wrong Internet, include Nicole Kidman, Uma Thurman, Christian Slater, Kathy Romano and Rihanna.
August 4 — When best to honor Assistance Dogs? In the midst of the Dog Days of Summer, apparently, and this is the day.
August 5 — Yes, another dog-themed Day. It’s Work Like a Dog Day. It’s also National Underwear Day, but don’t ask me why.
August 6 — Hiroshima Day. I visited Hiroshima a few years ago. Some takeaways: It’s a beautiful city (after all, it was entirely rebuilt after World War II). The Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum is deeply moving, but, importantly, at no point does it cast blame on America for what happened. When I visited, there were still people praying at the eternal flame for lost loved ones. It is a city dedicated, as the museum’s name implies, to peace and the hope that what happened there in 1945 will never again be repeated.
August 7 — National Purple Heart Day.
August 8 — International Cat Day (perhaps this year it will also be known as International Cat Ladies Day).
August 9 — National Book Lovers Day. And at the risk of appearing shamelessly self-serving, for all you book lovers out there, here’s a link you don’t want to miss:
August 10 — Spoil Your Dog Day. (Yes! Yet another dog-themed celebration in August. I’m beginning to see a pattern here.)
August 11 — Presidential Joke Day. And with that in mind, here are a few with which to amuse your friends:
How are presidents like diapers? They need to be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Why weren’t dogs allowed at the White House from 1989 to 1993? The Secret Service was afraid they’d chase the Quayles and pee on the Bushes.
What would you do if Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Roosevelt all got poison ivy? Rename it Mount Rashmore.
What would Thomas Jefferson be if he were to run for president today? Really, really, really old. Hard to imagine, but even older than Trump.
August 12 — World Elephant Day.
August 13 — International Lefthanders Day.
August 14 — World Lizard Day. For a very funny story about a lizard (if I do say so myself), click here.
August 15 — Chant at the Moon Day.
August 16 — Hawaiian Shirt Day.
August 17 — World Honeybee Day.
August 18 — Bad Poetry Day. Picking the worst poetry is a bit subjective, of course. The late-great Douglas Adams claimed the Vogons were the third worst poets in the universe; the second worst being the Azgoths of Kria; and the very worst, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. But according to Wikipedia, it is widely believed that the very worst poet of all time may actually have been William McGonagall of Scotland. Here’s an example from his work, “The Tay Bridge Disaster,” an actual event that killed dozens of people:
"Oh! Ill-fated bridge of the silv'ry Tay,
I now must conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed."
August1 9 — International Orangutan Day (the most famous of the species being the character in Edgar Allan Poe’s The Murders in the Rue Morgue, the world’s first detective story).
August 20 — World Mosquito Day.
August 21 — Brazilian Blowout Day. (I researched this, got as far as understanding it has something to do with hair-dressing, then my eyes glazed over.)
August 22 — World Plant Milk Day. (Milkweed? Beats me. Some of these holidays are too weird even for me.)
August 23 — International Blind Dog Day. (Again, with the dog holidays in August. You’d think they’d spread them around, wouldn’t you?)
August 24 — Pluto Demoted Day. (A decision that will live in infamy.)
August 25 — Social Justice Sunday.
August 26 — Women’s Equality Day. Also National Dog Day. (Will it never end?)
August 27 — World Rock Paper Scissors Day. (After exhaustive research, mathematicians have concluded that your chances of winning are one in three.)
August 28 — International Read Comics in Public Day. Which naturally raises the inevitable question: Who is the greatest superhero? I think we all know the answer. And, yeah, JD, that’s a childless cat lady with Batman and she kicks ass, too.
August 29 — International Day Against Nuclear Tests (See Hiroshima Day above.)
August 30 — Frankenstein Day.
August 31 — Have a Beer With Your Dog Day. (Why? Because.)
They Said It:
“It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your president. And while it has been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down…” — Joe Biden
America’s being run “by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” — J.D. Vance
"Christians, get out and vote. Just this time. You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years. You know what? It'll be fixed. It'll be fine. You won't have to vote anymore my beautiful Christians." — Donald Trump
“You may have noticed, Donald Trump has been resorting to some wild lies about my record. And some of what he and his running mate are saying, well, it's just plain weird.” — Kamala Harris
Readers Write
Dear J.C.
So, all the dog pictures in this month’s newsletter. They’re all blue. Is this another of your annoying and not-so-subtle ways of pimping your writing projects, specifically your Scribbles From Earth novel you’re hacking out in real-time on Substack?
C. Best
You mean like the space helmeted blue dog in the photo above? Total coincidence. But since you mentioned it, if you haven’t done so already you really should check out Scribbles From Earth. It’s out of this world. And, as noted, it’s a novel being written in real time, raw and continually being revised. I’m squeezing it in among my other projects (like writing this newsletter), so the best way to keep up with new episodes is to subscribe:
Dear J.C.
So that “Have a Beer With Your Dog Day” nonsense. That’s totally made up and don’t try to tell me otherwise. I know when someone’s trying to pull a fast one. What actual holidays got bumped by doing this?
G. Santos
Picky, picky. There are almost always multiple special days for every day of the year. August 31, for example, is also Eat Outside Day, National Trail Mix Day, and International Bacon Day. I suppose you could have a beer with your dog outside while munching on trail mix and bacon.
Dear J.C.
What makes the Perseids your favorite meteor shower? I’m not saying I disagree, just curious.
N. Tyson
When I was a kid at church camp, one of my bunkmates and I dragged our mattresses outside the cabin and spent the night counting meteors. It was the first time I’d ever seen so many falling stars. One of my most vivid memories of childhood. Plus, the camp counselor who caught us, instead of chewing us out, actually thought it was cool and let us get away with it. But truth be told, if you look up monthly meteor showers by the number usually spotted per hour, the Perseids are only No. 2. First are the Geminids in Mid-December.
Enjoy this Newsletter?
I hope you enjoyed this edition of the monthly Strange Files Newsletter. Share all your newfound knowledge with your friends. They will think you are amazing. And feel free to forward this email to everyone on your contacts list -- friends, enemies, space dogs, childless cat ladies, whomever. If you haven’t done so already, please subscribe:
Parting Shots
J.C. Bruce is a journalist and author of The Strange Files series of mysterious novels (available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, other online booksellers, and at selected libraries). He also writes this monthly newsletter. He holds dual citizenship in the United States of America and Florida, and was recently awarded an honorary doctorate degree from Miami’s Lightgate Institute of Extranormal Studies, which he totally made up for his book Strange Timing.
Sponsored by TROPIC PRESS, publisher of The Strange Files Series of Mysterious Adventures.
